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Tuesday, March 22nd 2016

5:07 PM


Editorial do Blog do Caio...no português correto >>OS ELOGIÁVEIS MÉRITOS DE LULARÁPIO,O MAIOR VAGABUNDO DA HISTÓRIA MODERNA DO braziu petralha...Pronto, cansei!
Cansei geral. Não aguento mais acordar todo dia na mais pura esperança de ver meu band leader (band de bandido e não de banda) ser elogiado pela mídia ou por quem quer seja, ómeno um tiquin assim ó, e nada. Nadica de nada. É todo mundo metendo o pau no coitado. Tanto pau, mas tanto pau, que o fiofó moral dele, tadin, já está todo desbeiçado, parecendo morróida de cu de baiano comedor de pimenta.

E xingamentos e impropérios de todos os naipes e estirpes e calados. De corno a punheteiro, de safardana a canalha, de feladaputa a vai tomar no cu. Tudo por conta de uns dinheiros que ele meteu as mãos com nove dedos, e enfiou no toba da famiage todinha. E dizem que não foi pouco não. E também dizem que não foi muito não. Dizem que foi imensamente bastantíssimo para caralho e coisa e tal. Mas e daí?
Fernando Henrique Caldoso, além de ter roubado mais, de acordo com pesquisa Datafolha, foi culpado disso. Foi ele quem deixou dinheiro sobrando nos cofres brasilis, exposto que nem bunda de piriguete dadeira. E além do mais, não se governa um País como o Brasil, apenas com constituição e justiça. É preciso bufunfa, grana e reaus para poder comprar desembargadores, deputados e senadores, eleitos safadamente neste brasilzin venal e patife.
E pensas, por acaso, que um Deputado Federal é artigo barato? É não sinhô. É artigo de grife. É coisa cara cujo preço gira em torno de alguns milhões, durante todo o mandato.
E um honesto e probo justiceiro do Supremo Tribunal Federal, hein hein hein? Barato? Barato uma porra! Bastou o caba vestir aquele manto negro ( coisa mais feia aquela toga!) e o seu preço vai pras alturas. Com um juiz só, um mortal infeliz pode comprar dois hospitais e ainda sobra dinheiro pra uma belíssima temporada na praia do cumbuco, devidamente adoçado por morenas de altíssimos padrões gluteais, peitais e tudo o mais.
Pois hoje eu acabo com isso. Vou por os pingos nos tês e ipisilones. Eu vou cuidar de defender o maior líder deste País. Não de todo o País, é claro, qpenas da banda podre, formada pela vermelhança geral e irrestrita.

E começo elogiando a sua personalidade histriônica, porque é algo realmente elogiável. Para dar mais veracidade às suas pataquadas inverossímeis, o cretino se transforma todo. Parece incorporar o espírito de um chipanzé bêbado ou de uma égua no cio, rejeitando um cavalo. Ele pula, faz micagem e em seguida se acalma como uma jararaca dormindo. Imediatamente se enerva, fica possesso, enche a cara de sangue ( antes já cheia de cachaça) e começa a ladrar ameaças de morte a todos os seus contrários. Lula pula no palco, sapateia, dá volumosas gargalhadas e chora copiosamente pela pobreza do País, como se realmente sentisse essa falsíssima emoção.
Essa figuraça bem que poderia ser ator da Globo. E eu o imagino fazendo o papel de Odorico Paraguaçu, com muito menos elegância.
Outro elogio vai para a coragem dessa coisa estranha chamada Lula. Sim. É preciso muita coragem pra ser tão filho da puta quanto ele.

Em meio a provas robustas e irrefutáveis. Em meio a documentos, escutas telefônicas, delações e testemunhas oculares dos fatos êle, com a cara mais limpa desse mundo, nega e ainda acusa e ameaça quem traz à tona seus crimes e patifarias. Diz que não sabe, diz que não conhece amigos particulares, fotografados com êle em farranchos e pelos quatro cantos dos cenários políticos, na mais absoluta intimidade. Sem dúvida é um mentiroso valente. Assim como a maioria dos patifes.
Preciso elogiar também a facilidade que esse homem tem de arranjar amigos, como ninguém os tem. Lula tem amizades cuja dedicação a ele é de uma grandeza inacreditável. Amigos que compram sítio para que ele descanse. Amigos que reformam sítio para dar a ele mais conforto. Amigos que instalam antena particular, para que não falta celular e internet nas suas horas de lazer e recreio. Amigos que cedem, gentilmente, apartamentos para que toda a família more com luxo e mordomia. Amigos que emprestam jatinhos para viagens de honestidade duvidosa. Que pagam despesas em hotéis caríssimos e ainda reformam tríplex para que ele tenha a moradia que merece. Lula, sem dúvida é um conquistador. Não um conquistador barato, mas um conquistador caríssimo.

É preciso louvar também o seu bom gosto para escolher mulheres. Lula, nesse ponto, é muitíssimo exigente. Uma delas, a oficial, precisou de 17 operações plásticas custeadas com o dinheiro público, para ficar mais ou menos horrorosa e parecida com uma ema aloprada e muda. Tão desonesta como seu companheiro, a cara metade usa e abusa de golpes e canalhices de toda ordem.
A outra, sua marmita de viagem em aviões oficiais, é realmente apenas uma marmita de viagem. Um artigo de cama mesa e banho e que, além de ser, mais feia que cara de menino tomando injeção, consegue ser tão ou mais safada que seu amante calhorda.
Outro elogio vai para a sua capacidade de dar veracidade às mentiras que conta. Eu o vi elogiar o bolsa família como se ela fosse a salvação da humanidade, cujas criticas eram apenas palavrório de elite burguesa, retrógrada e fascista. E vi também ele sendo contrário e argumentando com a mesma interpretação, na época de FHC, seu criador. Qualquer verdade se sente envergonhada ao ouvir esse malandro mentir.

Pronto. Fiz o que tinha que fazer. E fi-lo porque qui-lo como diria Jânio, também bêbado.
De hoje em diante Lula não mais será visto com os mesmos olhos.
As coisas vão piorar muito. Argumentos não faltam.
Foto de Caio Portella.
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